Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
