She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize