I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
