I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
3pm strippers are depressing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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