if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
