well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
