Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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