hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
