Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
as a side note pls kill me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
