How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
