I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
