so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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