people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
