You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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