Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
