I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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