its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
