Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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