I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
