we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
