He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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