yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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