i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
