remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
