Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
