Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.

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  (970): If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car. http://tfl.nu/glcf
  Replies (6) Good night (815) Bad night (3147)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

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  (803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6
  Replies (18) Good night (5802) Bad night (656)
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  (949): View more from California

  so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

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  (949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home. http://tfl.nu/81x1
  Replies (37) Good night (5317) Bad night (784)
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  (909): View more from California

  i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.

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  (909): i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar. http://tfl.nu/5kvp
  Replies (9) Good night (7441) Bad night (898)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...

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  (614): she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean... http://tfl.nu/ja4j
  Replies (23) Good night (734) Bad night (3982)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.

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  (613): i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice. http://tfl.nu/jk56
  Replies (29) Good night (5746) Bad night (1357)
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  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (884) Bad night (5697)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional

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  (410): There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional http://tfl.nu/r1v2
  Replies (11) Good night (4581) Bad night (1295)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

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  (916): Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown. http://tfl.nu/0cdq
  Replies (5) Good night (3410) Bad night (1180)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (945) Bad night (4627)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.

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  (850): It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order. http://tfl.nu/7w8i
  Replies (4) Good night (2053) Bad night (520)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.

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  (585): Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello. http://tfl.nu/2jqd
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (1627)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.

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  (814): The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise. http://tfl.nu/8q09
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (775)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.

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  (765): Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times. http://tfl.nu/e7uk
  Replies (1) Good night (652) Bad night (210)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.

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  (605): I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST. http://tfl.nu/w1we
  Replies (0) Good night (500) Bad night (181)

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