hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place