Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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(303): So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl. http://tfl.nu/7x7a

Replies (4) Good night (1264) Bad night (698)
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(805): View more from California

My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.

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(805): My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family. http://tfl.nu/yv4f

Replies (29) Good night (5708) Bad night (871)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.

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(802): He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR. http://tfl.nu/1otj

Replies (40) Good night (4260) Bad night (764)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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(306): Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'? http://tfl.nu/gncd

Replies (14) Good night (5004) Bad night (1212)
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(850): View more from Florida

She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.

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(850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November. http://tfl.nu/riz6

Replies (90) Good night (1065) Bad night (5957)
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(361): View more from Texas

Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.

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(361): Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight. http://tfl.nu/rb6t

Replies (93) Good night (6971) Bad night (2328)
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(818): View more from California

Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.

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(818): Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse. http://tfl.nu/0n19

Replies (18) Good night (3531) Bad night (1049)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

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(706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq

Replies (5) Good night (4403) Bad night (1004)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?

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(613): Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious? http://tfl.nu/m4yc

Replies (11) Good night (3585) Bad night (1033)
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(510): View more from California

This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

(925): View more from California

Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

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(510): This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over? (925): Quite the smooth talker. There in 5. http://tfl.nu/ccg0

Replies (7) Good night (3329) Bad night (696)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP

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(780): Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP http://tfl.nu/n1dg

Replies (0) Good night (837) Bad night (631)
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(207): View more from Maine

If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.

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(207): If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it. http://tfl.nu/bcke

Replies (3) Good night (815) Bad night (541)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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(203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g

Replies (1) Good night (1081) Bad night (409)
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(614): View more from Ohio

His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�

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(614): His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives� http://tfl.nu/o3zv

Replies (5) Good night (360) Bad night (980)
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(815): View more from Illinois

You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes

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(815): You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes http://tfl.nu/jvzn

Replies (1) Good night (686) Bad night (479)

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