How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!