I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dating After Heartbreak
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny