Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Four minutes until I can fart!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
