I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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