He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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