you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
