11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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