also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
