Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?