I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.