i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
