do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.