return my video game
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???