am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.