I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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