I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
