im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
