sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
