I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
