we're blogging at a bar
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she looked like the before picture.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
