ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
