I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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