Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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