I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
