I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
