I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
