had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
