i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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