Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
