Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
