Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
