Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
