At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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