you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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