he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
