mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so that wasnt chicken after all
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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