It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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