If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
