I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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