he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize