Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
