dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
