is your mom at the bar?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
