Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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