But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
