you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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