Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
