I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
