even my farts smell like vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
