and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
