I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
