I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
