i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
