i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
